Selfishness: Ego

Selfishness is a common part of the human experience. Selfishness is simply putting yourself and your interests before others, and benefiting yourself with no regard to the expense of others. One expression of this disease is Ego.

Ego is a self-centered, unrealistic, bloated conception of oneself. It is a lie; a dilusion constantly entertained about oneself. Recognizing one's strengths is not wrong. Having self-esteem is not wrong. Taking pride in one's accomplishments is not wrong. The wrongness comes when one starts to hype oneself; one begins to place oneself above others. Almost no accomplishment makes you better than another person; they just give you trophies to dust. When you begin to think you are better than another because you are smarter, more skilled, more able, more successful, then you go from self-esteem to ego—from health to disease. And you hurt those around you. John Stuart Mill stated that the worth of a state in the long run was a the worth of the indivduals composing it. That is true but incomplete. The worth of the stae also comes from the intereactions of the induviduals composing it. Instead of merely adding the worth of the individuals, good interactions have synergistic effects and actually multiplies the worths together; instead of an arithmatic increase, society experiences a geometric increase. Ego breaks down the interactions, interferes with the synergism, and prevents the geometric increase.

Let me tell you a story to illustrate this point.

Ego Maniac and Kind Soul were friends and had been for years. Kind Soul had learned to paint houses. He painted houses for a living. He had tried many things until he found the most efficient way to paint a house.

One day Ego Maniac say Kind Soul painting a house. He offered to show Kind Soul a method that would cut his time by 75%. Kind Sould had tried many methods and doubted it could be done in a quarter the time. He expressed his doubt to Ego Maniac.

Most people would say OK or offer a few tips or make a few suggestions. But not Ego Maniac. He took this as a personal insult. He was the self-appointed god-king of painting houses, and he let Kind Soul know it. Ego Maniac recited all the jobs he'd done, named off all his clients, and bragged about his expensive equipment. Then he chided Kind Soul for his hubris and insolence. Never once did the self-appointed god-king consider that Kind Sould knew what he was talking about; his Ego wouldn't let him.

Kind Soul was shocked and upset by the violent response. He had meant no offense; but Ego Maniac had taken enough to last five years. Realizing the friendship was in jeopoardy—and trying to understand the other's perspective—Kind Soul apologized and explained he wasn't knocking Ego Maniac's ability, and he would be happy to receive any help Ego Maniac could offer.

Well, this wasn't enough for Ego Maniac; his Ego had been bruised. Like a beauracracy taking in money, Ego Maniac wanted more. He expected more. He demanded more. One apology was not going to do. And settling the matter between the two wasn't enough; Ego Maniac had to drag his friends and family into the mess. After all, the more people you get on your side, the more right you are. (Egos don't care about truth or reality—numbers and facçades cary much more weight.)

Kind Soul did not want anyone feeling bad, so he tried apologizing again. It didn't work. He tried explaining his side. It didn't work. He tried to empathize and even considered patting Ego Maniac's Ego, but you can't put out a fire with gasoline.

Until now, the interaction between these old chums had been positive. But now the synergy was gone. The great things their friendship had brought was gone. And it didn't have to happen. But Ego Maniac said things he could never unsay. He allowed himself to feel things he could never unfeel. Great time and energy had already been wasted on the fight. Nothing productive came of it—not one single thing. And society was that much poorer for it.

Ego is a disease. Selfishness is a disease, and both are hard to cure. Many people are hurt. Time, effort, energy, and other resources are wasted and taken from so much good and so many benefits that all could enjoy. Unlike an infection, a pill isn't going to cure this disease. Nothing external will. The change must come from within.